RELATIONSHIP
How To Not Let Break-up Breaks Your Life
a step by step action to take
The idea that someone has to leave you is very uncomfortable, let alone experiencing it. This feels scary, after years of investment and emotional attachment. It is always the hardest time for people.
Some people suffer from its pain for years — one of my friends took a year to overcome his feelings of loss and despair, and there was a time when I have completely locked myself for two weeks upon break-up with a close and best friend.
However, according to the relationship expert Lauren Peacock author of “Female, Likes Cheese. Comes with Dog: Stories About Divorce, Dating and Saying ‘I Do,’” It should take six months to completely get over your ex-relationship and the person you were emotionally attached to if you were in the relationship for a year. Rest, add another 6 months for another year, and so on.
“You could be over a long relationship in a short period if you do the work, whereas a shorter one could haunt you forever if you do nothing about it.” — Lauren Peacock
Sometimes we take the break-ups upon ourselves so seriously that it affects our entire life — making us miserable and unable to function properly. Therefore, it is necessary to understand that the amount of pain that occurs while having the break-ups corresponds to the work you do to overcome it.
Your brain works like a machine, it will alert you when you are in danger. Sometimes it will alert you to things you most fear, so when you receive the final shock of being dumped, your brain starts to release chemicals that make you feel pain so that you take steps to avoid the danger.
“We learn most through action and experiences and sometimes, the ou can only tell if you are over your ex when you start to entertain the prospect of new matches and feel the excitement of new possibility,” — Damona Hoffman
The stoppage of good-feelings hormones makes you feel in pain. It wants to go back to the experiences it considered safe and lovely.
“We learn most through action and experiences and sometimes, you can only tell if you are over your ex when you start to entertain the prospect of matches and feel the excitement of new possibility,” — Damona Hoffman
Therefore, human minds will linger to the memories of good times to remind you of your good time in the past and danger of the present, and push you to restore the past to make you feel the same excitement. This is why we want to go back to our past lovers, friends, and relationships; our brains do not let us imagine betterment in the future with new people.
“Relationships involve big investments of feelings, attention, time, and money. Losing a partner can make you feel as though everything you put into the relationship was wasted,” — Psychologist Dr. Shane G. Owens
Hurts and pains are part of life; greatness comes out of great pain. If you decide to beat your mind and get out of this emotional rollercoaster with strength, there is a way out. You can do it, you are a rational being. You conquer the mountains and the plains. You can do wonders. You just need to be aware of your body and take action accordingly. Your brain responds to what you feed to it.
Many techniques can help you come out better as experiences vary. When I had the same experience I find solace and strength in the following methods and activities — let me experience life while recovering.
1. Cry as Much as You Can
Crying is the soul of human emotions, it provides the ultimate closer to bad days and tragic endings. It is not a sign of weakness but rather of humanness. We cry because we need to express the inner chaos of dust that is filled by the inhumane world, we have to rejuvenate our mind and soul by secreting the lovely tears that wash away the stressful hormones — cortisol and other germs.
It not only change your mood but provided self-soothing, and even make you feel better than talking anti-depressant. It is natural and satisfying. It should be used as a coping strategy. A study conducted at the University of Florida confirms the benefits of crying as it provides catharsis and makes you accept and confront your reality.
A lady in our relative died a day after her father’s death; upon inquiry from the doctors, it was pointed out that she has not cried since the news and was in shock — the constant emotional pain and triggers of danger made her completely insane to the point that she was unable to bear more and has to give her life instead.
2. Cleanse Your Mind
While crying can soothe and clean your mind of unnecessary emotions, you still need to work on your mindset. Mindset shapes the way we think about everything, therefore, it can either makes us believe whether we are capable of doing something or not. Paradigm change creates opportunities and results in choices that can revolutionize someone’s life.
Though it is hard to focus on mindset when you are in the process of grief, however, after some soothing we should start working on the way we think. A growth mindset will lead us to heal. I choose constant affirmation, listen to good podcasts, and follow up on the pieces of advice of professionals that I found on youtube and Instagram.
Surround yourself with the people who become your support and who find positivity and brightness in your life.
3. Practice Self Control
Self-control can seem fancy as the word demands full control of one’s thoughts and emotions which seems to be a Herculean task. However, it means very simple things. When you are done contemplating about your breakup, betrayal, and the hurt, and when you target your mind to progression instead of going backward, then pledge yourself that you will not accept them again. You will try to amend your mistakes and will try to do better in another relationship.
Verwellmind.com has defined self-control as such: “Self-control is the ability to regulate and alter your responses to avoid undesirable behaviors, increase desirable ones, and achieve long-term goals. Research has shown that possessing self-control can be important for health and well-being.”
Self-control is important because it makes you well in control of your happiness and well-being. And your overall life becomes better.
This phase is very vulnerable and anyone who came up to help you will seem to be a savior to you, however, I want you not to repeat my mistake and do not open your heart to every helping hand. Do not share your past with them as they in turn will remind you and can take full advantage without your knowledge.
Pro tip: Delaying gratification at this time will increase awareness of yourself and the surrounding, you will begin to make better decisions.
4. Do Not Jump Into Another Relationship
Relationships are made upon the principles of mutuality and support each other, however, if you look to fill the void left by your ex to be immediately filled by another person. You are missing in life. You are being mistaken. There is no guarantee that another person will not be like your ex. It is necessary to fully recover from your past before getting into a relationship with another person and you will only be able to decide better if you are free of any emotional trauma of the past and is well present with the new beginning.
5. Write, Travel, and Exercise — Engage Yourself in Healthy Activities.
If you can write, then write your frustration out into the words. Empty your mind of everything that you can think of and suggest punishment and, or your conclusion of the acts. It is always better to put out anger through the words on pages than on someone else.
Travel to your favorite place that you had always wanted to go, to the nearby museum and beach. Make your healing journey fun to celebrate and dance to the music (avoid sad music or that can remind you of your memories). Take a digital detox and befriend yourself with nature.
Watch sitcoms, play games, a lot of things to do. Always remember that it was not the end of your life, though it felt like undo it.
Always remember that it was not the end of your life, though it felt like one.
And most importantly exercise: Research has shown that exercise can boost your mood, cure depression, and has a big impact on anxiety. It makes the mind healthy, body healthy and can save months of therapy sessions. A simple walk in the evening can erase a whole stressful day.
People get over their sorrows and so you can. When they’re gone, your self-hurt will not affect them in any way but you’ll hurt your family n friends only.
Final Thoughts
Life is wonderful it’s not meant to be spent on someone who doesn’t care for you. Your individuality lies in your values and their life is better without you. It feels like swallowing a bone but you can do it. After a lot of time of healing, your gates to new love are automatically opened. You get to see that there are more people whom you can love. Who love and actually reciprocate your feelings. When you get new feelings, you forget your past sorrows.
